“This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19–20)
Reversing the Order
Have you ever put on a T-shirt backwards? You can usually tell that something is off. It just doesn’t sit right. This isn’t quite how it should be. After turning it around, the way it should be, it works much better.
James presents an order of things that is the opposite of what we’re accustomed to. It’s not that he has things backwards. But in our fallen human nature we flip things around and don’t realize how this leads to trouble. He tells us, “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” We can see the wisdom of this order. It is like putting the shirt on the right way. It just works better. The trouble is, we’ve gotten so used to wearing the shirt backwards that it’s a struggle to get the order right. Our human nature is often slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry. But God is teaching us to flip this around to find a better way.
Good Listeners
“Be quick to listen.” There are lots of opinions, ideas, and points of view in the world. On some issues, it’s merely a matter of perspective. What’s the best way to get to Columbus? There are numerous routes you could take, depending on your starting point or your driving preferences. Do you want the fastest route? …or the most scenic route? …or the route that avoids traffic and construction? …or that route that passes by your favorite restaurant? Two people could go round and round in a contentious debate. But a productive conversation will be one in which they seek to better understand the other’s point of view. There’s no sense in arguing about this topic. It’s not a life or death issue, and they might both have valid points. So be quick to listen.
Hitting Pause Before Opening Your Mouth
There are some very serious issues in which there really is only one correct answer. Someone is going to be right, and someone is going to be wrong (of course, they could possibly both be wrong). Naturally, each person is adamantly convinced that they are on the side of truth. The wisdom of James still applies. Be quick to listen and “slow to speak.” You might want to jump right in to convince that person of the error of their ways, thus proving your point. But this attitude seldom leads to a constructive conversation. When you refuse to listen, why would they bother to give you a fair hearing? If they feel attacked, the natural response is to dig in deeper and become even more entrenched. But if we are slow to speak, being careful to listen, it communicates that we value the other person. Whether or not we will ever see eye to eye, we can still communicate that we care. That makes a big difference. When you listen, you might learn new things. You might even reconsider your views. It is difficult to hold your tongue when you are passionate about an issue. But pausing long enough to hear the other person out might just open the door to a constructive conversation.
Keeping Your Cool
James says the believer ought to be “slow to anger.” Some conversations are incredibly frustrating. You have made an effort to listen. You have shown incredible patience. You have taken the time to present a convincing case. But still, the other person won’t budge. It’s like your words are bouncing off a brick wall. You may feel ignored or even disrespected. Frustration turns to anger, and then anger may lead to harsh words. The conversation spirals downward from there. At this point, nothing good can occur. It’s no longer an exchange of ideas if there is an exchange of insults. Both sides go away angry and may never speak to one another again. James advises the believer to avoid this path. As tensions rise you might need to say, “let’s take a break and come back to this later.” As you feel the blood pressure starting to rise, you might need to just “agree to disagree,” at least for now, until God opens the door at a later time for continued discussion. It may be you have to let this go. Gauge the importance of this issue. In the grand scheme of things, is this issue truly significant? Is it something trivial? Is it something in between? Let that give you perspective. Remember that its more about winning the person rather than winning the debate.
Applying the Principle in the Real World
It sounds so easy on paper, but we know things are often messier than this in the real world. We’ve been wearing this t-shirt the opposite way for so long it takes effort and awareness to turn it around. Even when we try, it’s easy to get it wrong, which is why we need God’s grace and we need to express grace to one another. Keep in mind that “the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” So the next time you find yourself in one of those heated conversations make sure to pray for patience and for the right words in the moment. We need wisdom to know when to speak and when to stay silent. Before you open your mouth, remember the right order.